Who are you?

Where did you come from?

Didn't I know you at some point?

I think we used to be good friends.....

Where the hell have you been?

Did you miss me?

Did you miss the luaghter, and the tears, and that feeling of being free and trying to fly.... did you miss those things?

Yeah.

See This

See this, it's right in front of you, the answers you've been looking for, the secrets that have eluded you, the mystery solved.... it's all right here. Take another breath, one that is deep and clean. Look again. Do you see it yet?

I see you. This is what I see. I see you in the candle light, in the darkness, in the shadows of the night. I see you dancing towards me through the fog. My lovely man, tell me if you can....

~ 11-26-06 ~

"I used to shout across the room to you, and you'd come dancin' like a fool, shuffle step you funky mother, come to me, all warm as covers."

~ Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ "My Lovely Man"

Talkin' 'Bout....

                ..... Black Roses......

What do they mean? Sexual.... Darkness.... Silence.... Death.... Tranquility....

But they do not mean trust, do they? No, they do not. It's such a mean world, people don't care, and this is the truth, this is what's real. So when those black roses appear, one should not forget the dark truths of the world in which we live. Just because black roses have been given, this does not mean everything is alright and this does not mean love is about to blossom. No. There are always secrets, always things one wishes one did not have to learn. Always there are nasty things lurking and squirming beneath the surface. Oh, it can be so ugly.

Yeah. So.... Black roses can be a sign of good things to come, love perhaps about to happen, but black roses should not be taken as a promise of anything. Promises are so easily forgotten and broken and smashed to dust beneath a cold boot heel.

~ 11-25-06 ~

"I can do without these things, what I can't do is live here without you, live here without you, live here without.... I can't kiss you anymore, I can't miss you anymore, 'cause loves not easy to ignore when your heart lies bleeding on the floor."

~ Sponge ~ "Live Here Without You"

The Merry-Go-Round....... 

...... begins again.

What's so fuckin' merry about going 'round in circles on a fake horse anyway? Has no one else ever wondered about this? It's the stupidest thing ever. Not for kids.... kids love it.... I'm talkin' about the grown people who go on this Merry-Go-Round thing and actually like it. Come on.

Well, metaphors are always good, especially when speaking of real life.... and the Merry-Go-Round is truly a real life metaphor for just about every goddamned thing. Circles, baby, always circles. The never ending fuckin' circles. Yeah. My life is nuthin' but a perfectly round circle that I just can't get out of. Round and round we go.... where we'll stop.... nobody knows.

So I'm back in the shit again.... trouble and trouble.... boiling and toiling..... I'm thinking MacBeth, but can't remember the fuckin' lines.... something about a cauldron bubbling...... whatever..... comes to the same damned thing in the end. Trouble in the trenches. Endless circles.

But. I got some black roses and that made me smile. Smiles don't always come easy, you know. And real laughter can be damn near impossible at times. It's the little things that matter. Those are the things that get us through the tough times. And the times they are a-changin', as Mr. Dylan would say if he could fuckin' talk like the rest of us.

I'm gonna come to a bad end, I can see it.... me and my crystal ball. Yeah, but you know, I guess it's better than gettin' old. My aunt - my great aunt actually - is in town from Indiana and she can't remember who the fuck she spoke to 20 minutes ago. She forgets who people are. And you know, I think when people get to that point in life, maybe the past is better than the present, which is why old people go back there. Me, I just wanna fuckin' die and not have to worry about it. Even if it's a bad death, I think it's better than forgetting everything. My life may not be worth remembering, but it was still my life and I want to die with my memories still there.

And this brings me to the fuckin' conclusion of this epic saga of nothing at all.

It is always better to have lived the life one wants to live than to die remembering days that have been dead forever. Amen and Halleluah, Bruthahs and Sistahs of the Church of Fuck This Shit.

~ 11-25-06 ~

"Well now and forever, the moment's gone and time runs out, and it hits you..... the pain..... That's how I think of you, that's how I think of you.....

Well it's rainin'..... it's rainin' in my house....."

~ Sponge ~ "Rainin'"

Tranquility

the air is soft, feels like feathers on skin, a bare breath of a touch, almost non-existent. silence. this is the time for secrets, the time for desires. it's almost dark, a flickering candle lights the way. gracefeul steps muffled by thick carpet. and the chimes shiver and tinkle like fine crystal shattering beautifully.

pillows like a cloud in the perfect sky. blankets so warm and soothing, like hope and love. shadows dance and chase each other across the ceiling. the wind blows out there in the cold, cruel world.

safe. inside. warm. together.

~ 10-24-06 ~

"This moonlit night, late October swirling fog gloom, and as promised my love did rise from the green light."

~ Type O Negative ~ "Creepy Green Light"